Maggie holds to two theories as to why I have by far more than most living souls, the uncanny ability to have extremely few of life’s normal procedures proceed normally. Her first theory is that I’m a negative person, therefore attracting negative energy. The second theory is one of her South American train of thought things and happens to be the theory that I personally subscribe to. She says I was likely born with the left foot stepping out of the womb first as opposed to the normal right. Now I have tried to confirm this as fact with my Mother but it would seem she either has a short memory or just wasn’t paying attention at the time. I have started to note that no matter what side of the bed I sleep…..its always the left foot that hits the deck first in the morning. And so I blame the coming story on my left footed ness……
….we had opened a couple of new accounts, a savings and a checking, at Southern Trust Bank a couple of weeks ago and today my new debit card arrived…Mags didn’t….and it arrived two days after I received two…in separate envelopes….pin numbers. Logic of course dictates that we head off to an ATM and see which one worked and of course neither of them did and so Mag and Left Foot head on out for the nearest branch of the new bank.
” Why do ya’ll have two pin numbers ? ” asks the bright spark at the bank
” I asked you first ” says Left Foot and after ten wasted minutes it was agreed we need to converse with a manager…….and after scrutinizing the puter at length, the manager says
” Well Sir, its quite obvious, you have a pin number for each checking account “
” I only have one checking account “
” And which pin number works? ” asked the higher paid spark
” Neither” nearly shouted an increasingly impatient Left friggen Foot …..”That’s why we’re here”
” Did you try the other card ?” asked sparky with an imperious attitude
Adopting a similar attitude Left Foot replied with……..” Can’t…….only have one”
Its funny how some things can trigger memories, and while sitting there with the bank manager a memory erected itself and I was transported back to when we were newlyweds . They were pretty skinny days financially and jobs were really rare so when I got a call to go to work the next day Mag and I hit the road in search of a new pair of work boots. First place didn’t have my size, the second place had uncomfortable boots and the third , again didn’t have my size. The fourth only had steel toes and on and on it went….. As we neared home having covered half the state we made a last ditch effort and pulled into a Sears and Roebuck and Presto, they had a pair of 9 1/2 s ….one of them being a display boot. Did a quick try and the one in the box fit like a glove and we zoomed off home happy.
Being wintry and wet I sat that night in front of the tube while I “Sno Sealed” my new boots in anticipation of my new job in the morning. Upon completion of a very thorough job of waterproofing these boots I then set them in front of the heater in order that the “Sno Seal” would melt into the new leather. It was probably my third admiring glance at the boots to check the thoroughness of my work when I noticed that I had just Sno Sealed two left boots……..
how appropriate was that?
your friend,
Left Foot
