Just Wandering

When I was a kid in school I was pretty weak in the math department and I suppose not a lot has changed . Basic arithmetic , figure out change due in my head … perhaps , but I just never could retain the algebra or trig thing . Get right down to it I wasn’t all that hot on grammar and sentence structure either while struggling to retain a C average in English . Never a teacher existed able to get me to remember what the hell a pronoun or adjective is or even the difference between a vowel and a consonant .

I do know that I’m a noun however and a noun that did excel at History and Social Studies .

I hear a lot about history lately and in particular about how ” They want to change history ” referencing the removal of the Confederate Generals from the parks along with the Stars and Bars from some of the states flags . Now I must confess that as I had so many other issues on my mind I never gave a fig about some statue of old Bob Lee in the park of some sleepy southern town . I will further confess that as I have so many other issues on my mind now that I don’t give a fig that he’s been removed .

But his removal did cause me to look at history a little closer than that whizz bang history student of years ago who could easily counter his English C with an A . It forced a question or two . Are we changing history or did we hide it in the past . After “ol Bob Lee’s” ejection from the park I came to realize that it was deep into adulthood with history class long gone before I ever heard of the Tuskegee Airmen , or the extent of lynching . I never knew how many schools through out the United States banned the novel ” To Kill a Mockingbird ” because it made people uncomfortable …. but that’s all history now .

I stood in line at the Post Office Saturday morning thinking about all this while the lady behind the counter explained to a gentleman that the Post Office will be closed on Monday due to the Holiday.

” Whats the Holiday ? ” he asked and she explained … ” Juneteenth ”

” Junes Teeth …. who the hell is that ? ”

As he left the irony was not lost on me that the gentleman was Black .  I thought perhaps he might have gone through school with the same history curriculum that I did . Or maybe he’s good at math …

I think a significant part of my past working history is the cause of much of my present day angst . Perhaps it’s just jealousy on my part but I’m kind of sitting on the fence about that.

You see, I spent most of my life building walls of brick and block , even stone and have literally topped out thousands of them over those many years . Large and small , tall and short , wide or skinny and no matter how any of those walls started they all finished with one thing in common . They finished up on a straight plane that by no accident happened to be level . Just like they were supposed to be.

Fence builders here in Florida just bug the living shit out of me . Driving around the area it would appear that if they have the equipment or skills to build a fence on at least a straight plane with some semblance of level then many don’t know how to use them. Fences around here seem to simply follow the terrain up and down as that is what would take the least amount of effort and every white vinyl fence I see drives home that Florida isn’t as flat as all those from north of the Mason / Dixon make it out to be .

You may have heard they are removing the power cables from the telephone poles in my neighborhood to bury them underground . Many of those that were delighted that this eye sore would be removed and hidden away have now learned that those ugly poles will remain along with the telephone and internet cables attached to them as only the electrical will be hidden. Some have also now found large ugly square metal boxes painted Army Green on their front lawn just like the one across the street that I can look out and view as I type this .

That Army Green metal box I’m looking at holds what used to be a transformer mounted to the telephone pole and sits on a concrete slab that two Mexicans tossed into place . It’s front left corner sits a full five inches below the back right corner giving the appearance of a graph angle steep enough to depict the recent price of gas . And it sits in front of a white vinyl fence which slopes in the opposite direction at such and angle it could only be considered a graph of recent stock prices . The contrast is way too sharp to be acceptable to an old bricklayer

The wife and I would love to have a fence around our back yard and it’s quite obvious we’ll need seek out an old bricklayer to successfully accomplish the task ….

It surely doesn’t happen very often but it did surely happen today . I was brought to tears .

In fact I’m crying right now as I attempt to type this and that emotion comes from watching today’s testimony to Congress from an 11 year old fourth grade student who survived the recent Uvalde School massacre in Texas .

Her name is Miah Cerrillo .

Miah described witnessing her teacher being shot in the head along with classmates and friends . She further described covering herself with the blood of the dead and lying still in fear the shooter would come back . An 11 year old fourth grade student right here in the United States of America will forever posses that very ugly story to relate ….. and sadly she’s not alone as it has become part of American History . It’s part of our story now …

I know that for many years to come Miah will wake in the night with the smell of that blood strong in her nostrils . She will relive the horror of that day at odd moments during day and night for the rest of her life and I so wish that wasn’t true ….. but it it will always be .

Will Marjorie Taylor Greene now haunt this little girl like she did David Hogg who also witnessed death in his school in Florida ? Will Marjorie Taylor Greene accuse this little girl of being a child actor like she did David Hogg in what she claims to be the defense of the Constitution ? Will she demand that Miah debate her on gun rights …..?

I love my guns . I shot them in competition for decades and for me marksmanship was nothing more than an advanced game of darts . It required skill and concentration and though I’ve been a proponent of the 2nd amendment all my life I’ve always felt that if I need to carry a gun on the streets of America …. then I’m not free .

… nor is Miah Cerrillo as she’s lost her feelings of freedom for the rest of her life .

an addendum if I may ….

within 15 minutes of posting this I received a somewhat harsh email informing me that the Constitution of the United States quite clearly mentions the 2nd amendment and the right to bear arms. I was also “informed” that the ban of semi auto rifles and high capacity magazines should be deemed unconstitutional .

I’m not sure I even made mention of banning anything in my post above but I am kind of certain that the constitution makes no specific remarks on high capacity magazines . I’m also quite certain that at one time the Constitution of the United States protected the ownership of slaves …..

A few years ago I visited a small town high on the top of an Andes mountain in Colombia that I’d been familiar with for decades. On this particular visit I had stopped at a small establishment that purchased coffee beans from local farms that transported their wares to it by vintage Willy’s jeeps . While there I noticed a shirtless laborer sitting on the corner awaiting the opportunity to unload one of those jeeps for pay .

I witnessed something else . I witnessed the Google Earth camera car drive by to take its 360 degree pics and film of El Aguila, Colombia for the very first time . I was delighted a few months later to Google Earth that town and find that shirtless laborer sitting right where I saw him sit that day .

Google Earth is fun in that you can type in an address and suddenly get a satellite pic from space of the neighborhood and a red marker showing your point of interest . You can then scroll in closer and closer until you reach street view and actual film of that street and particular house of your interest .

I did that years ago to seek my own address and was very disappointed that the Google Earth camera had passed but two weeks prior my painting the place and doing something about the landscape. So for near ten years Google Earth showed my house painted a beyond ugly color , crappy landscaping and my 4 x 8 trailer in the drive .

Two or three weeks ago the wife mentioned she thought she saw the Google earth camera car drive by and I said ….. Really ? …that’s perfect timing . The house is freshly painted , all the orchids are in bloom and the landscaping improved . I thought about that this morning and so entered Google Earth to seek out my own abode once again .

Yup , Google Earth has updated pics of my neighborhood all right though their timing could could have been better as the pics show my house obscured by a Mexican crew digging holes in the yard , large vehicles with trailers and heavy equipment . All in the seemingly endless effort to submerse my power lines under ground .

I’m thinking in ten years when the Google Earth camera car comes by for its once a decade update the place will look like shit again , and that’s OK . By then I’ll likely be sitting shirtless with that laborer on a corner in El Aguila Valle, Colombia .

The Queens Jubilee occurred today to mark her 70 years of unrelenting service to her British subjects and I do truly love her for it .

Should you ever hold a conversation with me you might immediately think that I’m as “American as Apple Pie” and truth be told … you’d be correct . But that doesn’t change past history or the fact that I arrived here with my Mother from some place else to indulge that piece of American pie . Through no fault of my own I was born in England and transported here .

My Grandparents adored this Queen right up to the day they died as did my Mother . In fact her brother served as a soldier in The Queens Horse Guard regiment outside Buckingham Palace when I was a child..

As American as I may now be England is my nation of birth and Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor forever my Queen . So forgive me if I’m not a direct descendant of a sailor on the Mayflower or that I think this day of the Queens Jubilee to just slightly be one up over Cinco de Mayo .

The workmen who’ve dug up my yard five times on their quest to correctly bury our power lines completed installing the underground junction a while ago but there is just something about it that has been nagging at me with more voracity than a South American wife . … should that be possible .

I was probably ten when I got a pair Sears and Roebuck Trans Talk walkie talkies for Christmas as they were all the rage with the kids in the neighborhood . They were my first introduction to the air waves and to 9 volt batteries that powered them . By this time most of us kids had already developed a quick and healthy respect for electrical conductivity simply by jamming something in a wall outlet . Our next lesson was that saliva helps a nine volt battery transmit its charge to the tongue .

We finally got a good rain the other day intense enough to quickly fill the drainage swale in front of the house . It also quickly filled the junction box that has found a home at the bottom of that swale with enough force that seven foot staccato bursts of water were being pumped into the air through the top . Had the electrical been connected I believe Yellowstone would have been green with envy at my very own Old Faithful lit up like a Christmas Tree on the front lawn .

As we view the possibilities a little harsher that a nine volt on the tongue we’re thinking heavy rubber boots and avoiding metal objects on rainy days ….. at least until the bugs get ironed out .

Pets ….. Seems an awful lot of people have pets in my neighborhood . Diagonally across the street from us is a cat while directly across the street live three bulldogs . Their next door neighbor has some kind of baying bloodhound along with a silent mutt . Our next door neighbor has a little Yorkshire yapper while on the other side of him is a beagle and nine chickens have suddenly made an appearance at the house behind .

I too have lots of pets and they are all known as peeves . One pet peeve of mine is noise and that’s funny considering I married a South American woman from a place that in all likely hood doesn’t even have a word for noise . I recently complained as over the past ten days a wood pecker has taken to ratatatatting on my metal fascia just outside my computer room . Dead on 6:45 a.m. every morning like the little prick owns a Timex or something .

In response to my bitching about it the wife informed me

” That is not noise … it’s a woodpecker ”

Have ya noticed how many people don’t drive off when the light turns green as they are too busy staring at the phone ? I notice it a lot as it’s another one of my pets , as in peeves . Just the other day as we were leaving the house I said to the wife ….

” Let’s count how many times we have to tap the horn today to get someone to drive off from the green light .” and she said OK

Exactly ten seconds from the edge of our drive we found ourselves at the corner where I found it necessary to tap the horn to get a phone user to move along ….

” That’s one ” said I to the wife but she disagreed

” Doesn’t count… that’s not a green light . It’s a stop sign “

I read a blog because the man who writes it has on occasion something interesting to say though lately it isn’t what he’s saying that grabs my attention . He allows responses to the things he writes and what I find interesting is not the offered responses themselves but what is responded to.

We headed out early the other day seeking treasures at a local estate sale and found ourselves waiting for 15 minutes before the sale began. Directly behind us in line was a well dressed couple seeking artwork . In very short order we learned the couple had just got a great deal on the Silverado 1 ton pick up they arrived in having only paid $82,000 for it and that they needed it to haul a 43 ft. travel trailer on vacations north . We discovered they haven’t worked a day in 17 years and the house they bought for $300,000 back then is now worth three times that  … and yet they bitched . And they bitched no end .

” Have you noticed the price of gas ? ” she asked and I replied  …. ” No , I haven’t ”

” This is ridiculous , and I’ll tell you something else. I don’t want my Grandchildren indoctrinated, we need to get rid of those books from our schools . I don’t know what this Core Learning bullshit is but I don’t like it and I’m not happy about it at all . ” she said.

We next headed out to a yard sale that advertised all proceeds would be donated to helping the refugees in Ukraine . We parked in front of a small blue and yellow flag snapping in the breeze and as I purchased a couple of items I really didn’t want a lady came from across the street . It was obvious she wasn’t happy either as she too was bitching  , and she asked

” Are you for Putin or against him ? I’m not so sure he’s the bad guy here you know . ” that’s what she said

That was just the beginning and the embarrassed yard saler whispered  “that woman is always unhappy”  and I left feeling confident that was likely true and quickly headed to another sale advertising ammunition and ammo reloading stuff which has been hard to come for a few years . Again we arrived to park in front of flags snapping loudly in the stiff breeze.

There was the FU Biden , the Trump 2024 , The Confederate Stars and Bars all surrounding Old Glory herself being flown at half mast . And the yard saler was bitching . He was selling large amounts of ammo and reloading components , gun powder , bullets and casings . There was a huge array of high capacity magazines for numerous military rifles and even firearms themselves in the offing . The seller himself was packing exposed for all to see a pistol that would make Dirty Harry look a pipsqueak . “Just in case” is what he said

” They are denying me my rights he proclaimed … and I ain’t happy .” that’s what he said .

Lets get back to the responses my blogger receives on what he writes . Recently he posted a story of the holocaust and Nazi’s and received literally thousands of views and hundreds of responses . Around the same time he posted an essay of wildlife complete with extraordinary photos. He is with out doubt a world class photographer and his pictures of birds and insects are beyond artistic . They brought few looks and five responses, one of which it was mentioned the photo of the bumble bee reminded them of Donald Trump .

If only we sought happiness with the same zeal we seek miserable things we could all take our MAGA hats off and toss them in the trash

Been painting lately and I’m a pretty good painter though there are certainly more enjoyable past times . Especially as it never seems to go quite smooth anymore . Recently I went to Home Depot to buy a quart to paint the front door and was very explicit on my wants and needs.

Well more fool me for not reading the label on the can because paints are like oil and water … they just don’t mix and the door painting turned into an utter nightmare. That was fresh in my memory this morning when I headed out to buy paint where the professionals buy paint and for good reason , Sherwin Williams.

” Need a gallon of this color in an interior egg shell finish ”

” Yes Sir … you said egg shell ? ”

” I did ”   It was promptly mixed and as it was placed on the counter I felt the need to make sure of the product and asked yet again  ….

” That’s an egg shell right ? ” and was answered with ….

” Sure is , have a nice day ”

Well holy shit the color is great and the wife was completely delighted right up until the moment it dried . That’s when we noticed all the high points of the wall texture shined like an Africans ass fresh out of the shower causing me to take the magnifying glass out to inspect the can .

Satin paint… not egg shell  is what the label said and that’s what I bought . And I bought it because yet again I trusted that some one would know what they were doing and didn’t read the label .

How fool me … yet again

I’ve been stamped and in all likelihood , I’ve been indelibly stamped for life . Tatoo’d even.

As I write this there is spread across my desk a collage of very interesting history . Staring at me right now is the stern look offered by Winston Churchill next to the smiling face of Ronald Reagan . The first landing of the moon is present along with the hope of a Merry Christmas from the year previous .There is a representation of George Washington from 1902 and an urge to help win the war from 1944 .

For both fun and profit the wife and I are pickers . Not fruit or vegetable pickers but pickers the likes of Mike & Frank on the reality show “American Pickers”  as we hunt small treasures for ready buyers . Other people realize this and attempt to gain from our expertise and try to use us to unload their finds ….. Like  the friend who loves to pick just like we do though lacks the resources to sell his ware’s online and occasionally attempts to use us to unload his stuff …. the most recent being  a box of stamps.

“The price is low but ….. Jesus Buddy … what the hell am I going to do with 20,000 stamps? ”

He quickly corrected my figures saying that at 400 envelopes with 100 stamps per envelope meant 40,000 stamps . Well I brought them all home to make some very interesting discovery’s . First and foremost I found them to be rather fascinating . I opened a few of the envelopes to immediately find one that will sell for for an easy “buck” on Ebay . That’s not all I found ……

I found that there was not 400 envelopes with 100 stamps each . There are over 625 envelopes in a large box and it seems they average 325 stamps each … my calculator informs me that equates to over 203,000 U.S. stamps . What that means is that if I had ever been a Father the children of my sons son would likely still be selling US vintage stamps on Ebay ….

I finished step one of a two part project today . I finished painting every ceiling in the house prior to the walls getting painted next week . I whined a bit to the wife before starting this latest project as my thought’s were along the lines of ….

” The ceilings look incredibly white with not a mark , no one has walked on them since I painted them twelve years ago . They look fine ”

That was my feeble attempt of ditching an unwanted chore but got slammed with ….

” How can you paint the house and not paint the ceilings ? ” was her hand on hip query and I thought the answer very simple .

” Just don’t put any paint any higher than the top of the walls. ”

Having just rubbed the paint speckles off the spectacles to inspect the efforts I must confess I was was wrong …. the difference is profound and oh happy days, she’s happy too. I’m sure next week we’ll say the same about the walls .

Seem’s I’m starting to wonder if this retirement gig is all it’s cracked up to be . I’ve recently painted the outside of the house, the garage which includes re doing it’s floor. Directly after that I replaced the cheesy paver walk way with very heavy 20″ x 20″ porcelain pavers and been prepping for the delivery of the new shed which I refused to build .

Sometimes I think perhaps it wasn’t so bad when I was working and didn’t have time for all this malarkey . On the other hand, she’s probably right …. do it while you can.

All the current local infrastructure construction in progress is viewed by some in a very positive light . Most see it as a necessary improvement in things we use and rely on but not me. I selfishly view it as necessary only through the needs of an incredibly large and unwanted population increase . Not to mention it’s a serious pain in the ass . Like the road project in my neighborhood that encircled one city block . It disrupted my traffic flow for two and one half years while the workers all stared at their phones every fifteen minutes during the constant re do of their work.

A large crew showed up on my corner three weeks ago to start the latest project. They are going to bury all the electrical lines under ground and actually I think it’s a good plan as we live in a hurricane prone zone and I don’t own a generator for nothing . But ya know …

” This just can’t go smooth ” is what I said to the wife on their arrival and she says I’m always so negative. She’s likely right but it’s a pessimism grown from the reality of experience and we watched the crew of twelve immediately alight from the trucks to all assume the “pose” of heads bowed , left hand palm up and tit high while concentrating on messages and funny videos for fifteen minutes .

Well the first week seemed to go surprisingly well and long plastic tubes were installed underground with a piece jutting out at every house. I guess the second week went just as well as they came back to do it all again, maybe the first week being just a practice run . Two days later someone must have noticed I didn’t have a pipe sticking up out of the ground at my place and so the lawn was dug up yet again .

Meanwhile two houses down someone drove a shovel through a water pipe immediately flooding the lawn while seven men all spoke fast Spanish loudly at the same time which roughly translated to …

” Quick ! Get the duct tape ! ”

Came home Friday to find a sort of concrete box on my lawn next to the new pipe jutting up from the ground and this can only mean that the same hole will need to be dug for the fourth time . I told the wife I better prep the generator in readiness of the up coming hurricane season . She just nodded her head in positive agreement …

You just can’t help but observe that we Americans use an awful lot of statistics to convince each other, or just ourselves , of things we so want to believe . More obvious still is that actual facts needn’t be permitted to interfere with our stats of choice . My newest neighbor got me thinking of statistics the other day with his endless babble ….

Similar to our past administration the present one has put out some interesting “stats” on jobs for instance. “Well over 400,000 new jobs were recently created ” was the boast I heard on the radio and I’d say the creation of 400,000 + jobs is a stat that has a pretty good face value . But permit me to smear the ointment on the fly with a query . How many walking , talking humans have showed up to fill all those wonderful newly created jobs ? That’s the stat I want to hear . So there I go… just another American cherry picking the statistics I want to hear.

The new neighbor has recently moved here from far away with his new wife to live in what he describes as the “Free State of Florida” .

” We don’t have to get vaccinated here ” he said and further enlightened me of his fears .

” Statistics show that thirty six people have died as a direct result of the vaccine . We don’t want to take a chance…. besides, we’re thinking about having a child .”

And this is where you may imagine my eyes glaze over as I lose interest in his beliefs . I’m not sure where he obtained his life changing statistics but I am sure I don’t care because I have a statistic or two that I’d much rather believe .

Four out of five children with cancer in the United States survive more than five years while in most of the world that rate is the opposite of only one in five . I would say those phenomenal advances made here in the United States would be due to statistically having the most advanced medical and scientific minds on the planet. We are blessed with men and women who have attended the likes of Harvard Medical , Duke University and many other prestigious research universities that are the envy of the world .

I think there is statistically a far greater chance of me believing and trusting our science and medical world than my neighbor does . And I think I’ll stick with them while neighbor … you are statistically stuck with Tucker ….

The garage. Its where I putz about to waste my free time and indulge hobbies , where I fix things and get grubby dirty playing with tools and oils . Ten years ago I painted that garage white and while that wasn’t my choice it was ” our ” choice .

As both sides of the door entering the house from the garage are white I have been shellacked no end those ten years by the wife over the grubby paw marks that seem to endlessly appear on it . Honest to God there have been long periods where I made it a point to give every effort possible to only handle the door knobs in and out . Yet week in and week out those door edges got nasty until the paint was just plain constantly cleaned  right down to naked wood.

What could I say over those ten years but … ” When she’s right, she’s right ” .

I painted that garage again some ten days ago, and again in the dreaded white . I’ve just spent ten days of extreme caution to be certain I didn’t blacken the corners of the freshly painted door in order I might go at least a short period of not hearing about it . But today while the wife was away at work I noticed the ugly finger marks have made their frightful appearance yet again . I just couldn’t believe it having spent ten days washing my hands with twice the frequency of the pandemic scare .

So I broke out our favorite Lysol cleaner to eliminate the evidence before she got home and while erasing the marks from the doors edge I was struck . No, not by an intruder , nor a bolt of lightening but instead by a powerful observation . What suddenly occurred was how far I had to bend down to wipe those finger marks off the door .

Now I realize the wife feels I’m somewhat of a Neanderthal but I quickly checked it out in the full length mirror and my hands definitely do not hang lower than my knees . Along those lines should you ever come to my house you’ll note with out doubt that no one you’ll see is shorter than she . It would make no sense to try and lay this logic along with blame on her because …..

” When she’s right, she’s right ”  …. even when she ain’t right

It seem’s to me the animal world is progressing at near equal pace as that of humans decline . It is most certainly a shame that humans are responsible for the extinction of so many species on our planet and worse still that we work equally as hard on eliminating our own . Some life forms however have shown the ability to learn something from their surroundings and adapt … and then thrive at a somewhat rapid rate using their hard earned knowledge.

I offer you squirrels .

Having acquired my licence to operate a motor vehicle some fifty plus years ago I’ve had plenty of time to notice some very obvious changes on the road from then till now . Squirrels used to dash out in front of an oncoming vehicle, change there minds and dash back only to change that tiny mind yet again  . That third choice always ended badly and there were few cars back then didn’t rack up a death toll in aide of mass squirrel suicide.

As time marched on the little gray rodents that chose a suburban lifestyle seem to have adapted to automobiles and roads and have discovered the importance of only changing their tiny minds once during their mad dash across the road in search of another acorn . I can no longer remember the last time I flattened a little gray though they race in front of my vehicle daily . It can’t be instinct, I believe they have become so much wiser over the decades .

It’s quite apparent that we need follow their lead and become a little more squirrely ourselves , should that ever be possible

I’ve been receiving quite a bit of correspondence lately and to be true a lot of it is not necessarily wanted or even necessary . It’s certainly not as welcome as mail I received so far in the past .

Mail Call ! … Mail Call !

Some fifty years ago as a crew member of a U.S. naval vessel those two words broadcast over the ships loud speaker were always a moment of excitement . For most of us out there at that time those two words brought news from family and friends back home in the form of hand written letters  and packages. Not all the news that came was good and some of those packages held some very stale cakes . Experienced sailors learned to number their letters according to post dates so that they might read good news or bad in proper sequence . So in this weeks sequence ….

Having recently applied for Social Security online their website informs me that this procedure takes “most ” people two to four weeks . It’s been seven weeks and I’ve just received a letter from the Social Security explaining how I should go about deciding when to collect benefits and how to do so online ….. thank you very much, thought I.

The I.R.S. was very kind and also sent me a letter this week . It was good enough to mail me a statement of my Economic Impact Payment with the explanation that it was a necessary item when filing this years income tax ……. the same filing I completed a month ago . And along those lines I also received the necessary copy of my 1095-A health form which is apparently also needed for the very same tax filing.

Here on the desk is a freshly received Toll Due Invoice from LeeWay Service Center . They want $ 5.00 for a $ 2.00 toll because I crossed a bridge in Ft. Myers last month . Didn’t have much choice then , guess I don’t now.

The Republican National Committee chaired by Ronna McDaniel sent me some interesting correspondence . Their claim is that their records show I’m a registered Republican and I need to fill out the enclosed Party Affiliation Card and please don’t forget to send it with an appropriate donation . Oddly my own records show me registered as an Independent ….. perhaps I’m wrong on this, or not .

And finally some correspondence of importance . A thank you from St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital for past small donations and I’m honestly proud of that . They’ll get another as soon as I’m able while Ronna McDaniel will have to kiss my short leg before she ever gets a single one.

Seems I have “one of those days” just about most days now a days . Or at least more frequently than should be expected in a place that invented assembly line efficiency over 120 years ago . One would have thought we would have moved forward from there.

Being in our usual rush the wife and I stopped for our favorite breakfast wraps at the start of one of those very days . Having ordered identical sandwiches I theorized that they would take the same amount of time to make ….. but no . One seemed to take an inordinate amount more time to make than the other and since my wife gets very impatient over my impatience I’m the one who cops the admonishment in whatever language she chooses at the time .

Once back in the car we discovered they weren’t identical sandwiches after all as “mine” wasn’t the one I ordered . Not wanting to go through what it would require to correct the problem I ate the incorrect sandwich and moved on into the day . Later in that day we discovered that the particular meat we’d left to thaw for the afternoon barbecue wasn’t the cut we’d thought it to be so… plan B. Grill it anyway .

At this point I now notice I don’t have enough charcoal for plan B and she who berates informs me to head to plan C …

” Order Pizza and Wings ! ”

This gets interesting as if you order from a particular pizza joint you can watch your online pizza purchase from start to finish . This is so far advanced from Henry Fords manufacturing of model A’s that how can we not be impressed ?  After payment a little graph pops up to inform you that your order has been received and then quickly moves on to explain it has now been placed in the oven . That graph next grabs your attention with the fact it is now being inspected before the most exciting part…

” Your driver Joel has left the store with your order ”

Suddenly a map appears and you can actually watch Joel’s progress to your point of delivery . Like a little Pac Man a semblance of Joel’s car makes its progress on the map with constant updates on delivery time . But wait ….

” Joel , Joel … you’ve gone past the street ! ”

And so I watched Joel’s little Pac Man car stop six blocks away before being informed that my order has

” Been Delivered ”

I’m certain it was in fact delivered , and more certain still that it wasn’t delivered here

…… I hate you Joel

I’m old enough to remember that when a dictatorship invaded another country no Americans took the side of that dictatorship.

Not a single one of us would do so because that’s not who we were as Americans or what America was all  about . We all  believed in Democracy and freedom and I’m not talking about the pissant freedom to fight against getting a vaccine. I’m talking freedom, real freedom that’s worth picking up a rifle for .

I’m very pleased that I’m old enough to indulge that memory of us all being united on something like that . But it would seem a memory is all it is and that’s a shame .

Many years ago I personally witnessed the consequences of what the Russian government permitted its soldiers to do to a civilian population . Any one that praises that Russian regime for what is happening now will get no backing from me … nor should he from you .

Are you old enough to remember ?

I’ve recently become a retired man which means diddly squat to my wife who is not .

Still a couple of years away from retirement herself the wife continues on in gainful self employment cleaning houses and condos with little compunction of “requesting ” the free labor I might be able to provide regardless that it may be under duress . Fact is , some of her clients are very nice and I find helping the wife a fine opportunity to meet up with them again . But I shan’t write that here as it’s very likely to be used against me whenever she requires help in the future .

I have an old habit brought about from very early childhood , actually it might be construed by now as possibly some kind of fetish . It started when the first pillow in my memory was a feather pillow and every night I would tussle and feel around until I caught the end of a quill and would pull that feather through the cloth and use it to tickle myself to sleep .

Today as I mournfully helped the wife I fluffed up some cushions on a sofa when suddenly I felt that long past familiar feel of a point protruding through the fabric . My God, the cushions were stuffed with feathers and I found myself instantly fishing for that feather until rewarded with success . Having pulled that feather out into the daylight while the wife was busy elsewhere I indulged , if only for a moment , the ecstasy of slowly running that feather back and forth just below the eyebrow to bring me back to not only my childhood but much later in life as well.

I used to fish trout in cold water northern streams and I thought about that as played with that feather in front of someone else’s sofa today . Many a winters evening was spent hand tying trout flies for the coming spring and on many an occasion found myself enraptured by the wondrous feel that could be provided by wood duck or golden pheasant . Sometimes I felt my dry flies even floated better on the surface of the water due to the natural oils of my skin …

Oddly I have a much younger brother who shares the same indulgences of feathers as I . Thing is that pillows were foam by the time he came to be so I have to believe his feather fantasies aren’t quite the same as mine . I’m thinking his fetish is in all likelihood , a perversion …

I’ve been accused once or twice in the past of not being able to see the big picture and at times even deliberately ignoring it . I’ll concede to the possibility that it’s true on both counts .

Yesterday the wife and I attended a large swap meet in central Florida on a hunt for vintage tools and coincidentally tomorrow is the anniversary of the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting that occurred four years ago . So, whats the correlation between the two ?

Hopefully there is none.

Should you ever read anything about PTSD it’s likely you’ll learn that it’s a mental disorder that’s usually brought about by experiencing something traumatic , or violent. Combat veterans immediately spring to our minds and no one can deny them the harm that memories of that horror can bring . But they aren’t the only victims of this disorder .

At yesterday’s swap meet there was a small group of volunteers that were fund raising for an organization that helps sufferers of PTSD . It seemed quite apparent that their focus was on the PTSD suffered by Veterans and they were quite vociferous in their request for donations. Also they were holding a raffle to aid in raising the needed funds . Five bucks a ticket to win an AR 15 military style M 4 clone rifle with an American flag embossed on it’s side. One of those volunteers strutted up and down amidst the crowd dressed in a military flak jacket waving that AR 15 military style rifle in the air for us all to admire .

Some of the very same elected political leaders that defend that flak jacket wearer’s right to wave that rifle in the air in public are the same that laid claim that the Stoneham Douglas massacre was a hoax . Those “leaders”ridiculed those students who witnessed the violent death of their class mates right here in the USA and I’m ashamed they still hold positions of American leadership .

I’m thinking that those teenagers that witnessed the deaths of friends during a day at school are worthy of the same help for PTSD that our Veterans receive . But , once again I refuse to see the big picture …. and feel it inappropriate that we raffle off an AR 15 to help purchase their needed help .

Do you remember the last time you bought an ice cream from the ice cream truck ?

Nor do I , and that’s really kind of a shame . But I do remember as a small child the excitement of the tunes that were clearly heard from blocks away on those streets of London as that ice cream vendor drove up and down . That driver of the ice cream van was a shrewd business man as he knew when my Grandfather would be walking home from work and on on which day he would not be taking his money to the Pub to spend on beer. And so did all the kids that lived on that street .

On Tuesdays the ice cream man would “happen” to come past and stop at the corner just before my Grandfather got home as did all of us kids . On Tuesdays my Grandfather would stay home for the evening and watch TV with my Grandmother as all his beer money had been spent on ice creams for all that were sharp enough to make it to that corner on time .

The wonderful memories of this all came flooding back a half hour ago as I was surprised by the ice cream truck that drove by . No kids come running towards the tunes anymore, nor are there even any kids on the street and it surprises me that anyone even attempts making a living at selling ice cream from a truck today . But I’m thinking …

I’m thinking that that the next time I hear those tunes I’m going to run right out and buy that driver an ice cream in gratitude of the wonderful memories he just brought back .

I’ll never tell you who sent it but I was caught off guard today by an email . On reading it I swear that if I had false teeth I’d have spit them into the coffee cup where the bite of egg on toast landed. Before I tell you about it I need explain a thing or two ….

This blog was started for my own amusement years ago copying stories I’d mailed to friends while on my travels around the globe . Those stories and the musings in it were never really meant to be public and it was always my hope they would all be happy and humorous to the few with access to them .

But things change and over time some of my posts have come to hold points of view and as it’s apparent more people seem to be here reading it’s only inevitable that someone may feel insulted by something I’ve written. I offer the injured no apology whatsoever . If someone feels insulted by something I’ve written here then I think they had an insult coming . Now for that email….

It held a demanding question , much to my surprise , pertaining to my story of Steve Hartman’s segment of On The Road …..

” How can you watch that Liberal Bullshit ? ”

That was the question asked of me amidst a tirade. Well knock me down with a feather for of all the things I may have written that could be construed as an insult someone takes umbrage and pounces on my Steve Hartman story …. ? ? ?

I mean… Steve Hartman …Liberal Bullshit ..? … please

Having never once heard Steve Hartman express a political point of view while spreading nothing but feel good positive stories of America he’s become rather a personal hero of mine whether he’s liberal or not.  So here’s another opinion for ya to digest ….

When we start attacking the likes of Steve Hartmans once a week segment for spreading “Liberal Bullshit” then it’s  time we all turned up the volume of Fox News and just rolled right over and fucken died.

https://www.cbsnews.com/evening-news/on-the-road/

Naively I’ve always believed that the wants of the majority was what ruled . I’m guessing , and here I go being naive again , that’s exactly why we hold votes . It really is a simple and fair concept and this time I’m not so naive , because a concept is all it is . For instance …

I once worked maintenance of a large community of condominiums. They had rules at the time that were implemented by the votes of the majority . Like no pets . Anyone who purchased there signed the agreement of no pets as the majority didn’t didn’t want to deal with barking , animal hair in their public laundry machines or dog shit in or out of the building . Being part of the majority they felt they possessed the right to expect just that .

But they were wrong . Somewhat suddenly a solid 15 % minority gave all those rule followers the big FU with the claim their pets were comfort animals . Like the the lady who who said her two parrots were her “calming birds” . I’m more than certain that the poor bastard next door who just wanted to spend his retirement quietly watching Fox News wasn’t so calm as the high decibel maniacal Macaw screeching sounded loud to Fox viewers three buildings away .

But … ef him , right ?

Few months ago at that very same condo association many expressed to me their horror over the possibility of people coming over the border with out a covid test . Just recently those very same people are now cheering the Canadian truckers who are blockading the border crossings wanting an end to any restrictions pertaining to the virus meaning entry to my country unrestricted .  I’m not sure I’m clear on what these condo dwellers want and its obvious they aren’t either . Interestingly Canada has an 85 % vaccination rate meaning yet again another 15 % minority is giving the majority a big FU .

I’ve recently returned from a foreign country and even as a citizen of the “United States” I could not board the airplane and return home with out proof of a negative covid test taken less than 24 hours prior. Inconvenient as it may have been I was in total agreement with this requirement as I believe the American majority has every right to expect every defense against every enemy , even a disease .  Any protest to deny me that right I deem an insult from the ignorant

So… to those that would defend the lady with the parrots and to those who back the Canadian truckers , … I’m in the majority and I say …. FU

The wife and I try to make it a point to catch the last four minute segment of CBS news on Friday’s when Steve Hartman hosts “On The Road with Steve Hartman.” We enjoy his feel good non political segments of “real” news and last Fridays offering made me man up and admit there are times I’m very wrong .

Like most gray hairs I’ve too often pitied the poor future of this nation considering what or whom we’re leaving it to . We’ll often be quoted mentioning the poor work ethic or incessant internet games playing of a generation we deem unable to fill our shoes . So very sure we all are that the fault of the countries inevitable downfall will sit squarely upon their shoulders .

This week Steve Hartman went to Sackets Harbor N.Y. to interview a group of high school kids who’ve taken over the towns EMT services. Seems that all who were able to do the job … wont , leaving the town with out one of its most essential services .

” Someone has to stand up and do it ” said one , a 17 year old with a newly issued drivers licence.

And that’s exactly what they did. That group of small town High Schoolers took the necessary courses needed to be able to save a life, learned to drive an ambulance and already have a number of successes to their credit . They have to work harder at school to make up for missing some of it and donate much of their own free time in order to help others in their community .

” The hardest part is to tell someone their loved one is gone ” explained another 17 year old.

And so that is the job we’ve walked away from leaving it to a group of 16 – 17 year olds . And they are doing it very well , thank you. The future of this country isn’t ours to whine about any more, it’s theirs and it looks like a pretty good start after all .

Recently on several occasions people in Colombia stepped aside to permit me to purchase the last remaining empanadas or chorizos from street vendors even though they would have liked to have them for themselves. Just being polite I suppose and hoping a gringo might have a favorable view of their country . They needn’t have worried. I just watched an internet video of a riot over buffet steaks at a Golden Coral and it got me thinking …

Older Boomers may well remember when D.C. Superman comics were 12 cents . Those early comics were where the concept of Bizarro World was born and the tales go that Bizarro was a square planet where everything was in complete opposite of this earth. More recently Jerry Seinfeld brought the idea of it out again in 1996 to use in his 137th episode with Elaine befriending complete opposites of Jerry and his pals .

I’m not certain if I’ve recently left Bizarro world or just arrived back but I do know it exists  and that it cost me more than 12 cents to discover that fact . The immigration officer in Colombia who recently stamped the departure date into my passport for instance expressed his hope that I had enjoyed my stay and then kindly urged me to hurry back . Four hours later in harsh contrast the immigration officer we all met on arrival in Miami was a screaming and barking embarrassment to some place we should all be proud of. That’s not all

In Colombia every one wears a mask in public buildings without complaint in a united effort to combat a disease and the use of them in the street far surpasses that of the United States . Here in the “United” States being asked to wear one is apparently an affront to our freedoms and in fact even parents are fighting to prevent the use of them in schools . This  while  seemingly happy to follow the rules and protect their child by strapping him into an indestructible child seat for the short run to the very same school .

Meanwhile, far south of here in Colombia a family of four is cruising through the heavily trafficked city on a 100 cc motorcycle . All are wearing their protective masks while Mom is perched on the back edge of the seat unable to hang on as she has a four month old baby cradled in her arms….

While talk of a mandatory vaccine here brings an endless argument Colombia’s recently mandated proof of vaccination on your person to enter stores, restaurants or public gatherings brought nary a whimper from the population at large. Here in the US it is apparently another affront to our freedoms and personal choice , while unhindered by political loyalties it’s generally accepted in Colombia as a potential benefit to all , besides …… they figure who’s going to enforce it in Colombia anyway ?

It was recently pointed out to me … again …  that all the homes in Colombia have iron bars or grates over the windows , ornate or otherwise and steel front doors making entry with out a key virtually impossible .  ” What are they afraid of ?  No way I could live like that . ”

Interestingly this comes from a man who like many here in the United States won’t sleep at night with out a pistol by the bed and a loaded tactical shotgun in the closet . Another perfect example of logical differences, or Bizarro World  ….

Shoot the bastard on entry …. or …  No need to waste expensive ammo if he can’t get in

one earth is very happy by the way ….. and another ain’t