The Home Depot apron sports two pouches on its front. Mine tends to become full of items the likes of pens and markers, notebooks, phones, odd plumbing fixtures, candy and a knife. All this stuff makes it extremely difficult to perform correctly at the urinal as the pouches hang low enough to be in the way creating the need for one hand to lift the apron while the other unzips causing items to leap from the stuffed pouches . Tonight it also carried my very first Home Depot badge to proudly wear on the apron. It’s the Yo Hablo Espanol badge and as I didn’t have time to attach it I tossed it in with all the other junk my pouches carry. Later, deep into my shift, I stood there answering the endless questions of an older couple trying to figure out the intricacies of a sprinkler system. They seemed clueless of my desire to scream out in the agony of the need to piss as I stood there alternating my weight from one foot to the other . Finally ridding myself of them I bee lined it for the porcelain idol and did my ritual apron dance before it.As I flowed my apron prancing caused my new Yo Hablo patch and my pen to leap out into the urinal and directly into harms way.
“Fuck”…I thought, as I watched the desecration and my first impulse was to just leave it there. But every one will know its mine…not a lot of Yo Hablo patches issued in this store…so I flushed it clean and fished it out with some paper towels and hid it under the trash can….
Later…when I noticed the manager was likely to be busy out of the office for a while I ignored my customers, retrieved the desecrated patch and went to the offices to search around for the patch stash where I exchanged it for a new one .
Now, think what you like…..but personally, I hope that patch gets reissued to a native tongue Spanish speaker…and not some Gringo wannabe like me. …..
Oh, the pen, being untraceable, is still there.
