Should you be a persistent reader of my posts you might have concluded that I get crabbed bi-lingually. Somehow I thought that the fact that the wife is bilingual would mean I would only get bitched at twice for each of my regularly numerous infractions. But no….somehow she has even learned to raise the bar a bit meaning one of those languages gets used twice. Mathematically this brings the bitch count to an even three…..minimum.
Yesterday was the first morning after grocery shopping day and so I tore open the fresh box of my favorite Mall Wart purchased “Uncle Sam’s” breakfast cereal. Being hurried I left the box abandoned on the counter next to the bowl needing every moment to make it to work on time and thus creating indiscretion numero uno. The wife’s a true stickler for details I’ll tell ya and so it’s everything in its proper place and everything placed properly. This is no joking matter for a man with numerous dyslexic tendencies…..
“You have time to eat but not put things away?”
That was the greeting ten hours after breakfast as I arrived home from work which of course was immediately repeated in a foreign tongue. At least it was short and sweet.
This morning the wife beat me to the cereal box and as she lifted it from the pantry cabinet the bottom opened up to create an inverted eruption of the entire contents all over the floor. I felt bad for her as I fully understood this to be a poor omen to the start of a day. I helped her sweep it all up and as we finished the cleanup I foolishly grabbed the empty box to use as a receptacle. That’s when all four of our eyes locked on the box in full understanding of what had just happened…..
“Someone” ….in two languages….possibly even more…. had originally opened the box from the bottom instead of the non- dyslexic version of the top. Do to her abnormal inability to put something away with upside down letters the wife suddenly found herself devoid of any and all blame….. meaning, I did not.
I’m sure it hasn’t ended yet. It’s likely a few days from now the wife will discover an all-natural grain hidden under the edge of the dishwasher or someplace equally discrete providing ample reason for another Spanish language lesson.
