Trying to beat the last minute Christmas shopping herd I hit the local Mall Wart bright and early this morning for just a few sundries. The location of the yogurt and milk has a purpose and I set out for the long march to the back wall of the store where they reside. This hike brought me past a display that some overly intelligent retail marketing analyst just knew might catch my eye. He was right….it was beautiful.
I had never seen the ”Guinness Winter Collection” of Stouts and Ales before and was immediately intrigued by such names as “Guinness Generous Ale” and “Guinness Foreign Extra”. I stopped to caress the package a moment or two before deciding that….
“I got enough beer for Christmas in the fridge.”
…..and so continued on to finish the shopping list without picking up the twelve pack. While staring at fruits and green peppers however, the words “Generous Ale” persistently crossed my mind. Just about halfway through the creeping checkout line the marketing manager won out and I abandoned my coveted spot in line to yet again make the long march to the back of the store in retrieval of my very own “Guinness Winter Collection.”
Having finally reached a checkout girl I placed all the groceries up on the counter saving the best for last. The “Winter Collection” was well on its way to land upon the conveyor when suddenly the top of the package parted ways. With only two surviving Ales the topless box hit the floor to erupt into a magnificent frothy Vesuvius. This event being highlighted by a chorus of groans from all in line and a bad word from the lady behind as thick, pungent froth raced over the top of her open toe shoe.
“Would you like to go get another twelve pack Sir?” the checkout girl was smiling sweetly and my answer ….
“Of course” …….brought yet another chorus of groans from all behind as I sidled by to make yet again, that long march to the back of the store to return red faced with my new Winter Collection clutched closely to my chest.
Sometimes we find ourselves caught up in humiliating experiences……..
And sometimes they’re just plain worth it……
” Merry Christmas Mall Wart Shoppers ! “
